party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Holy sore nipples Batman
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize