u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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