I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize