i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
