I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
