There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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