if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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