Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
she pinky promised me she was 18
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
