I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
