You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You pole danced in your parka.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
