hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
