All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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