I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
