hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
