I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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