Soap is not a condiment
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
