whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
