fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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