The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
