Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize