Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
