We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
