I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
