If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize