i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
