There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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