I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize