Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
