I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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