i may or may not be watching the land before time
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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