Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
