Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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