Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
