You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
