Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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