a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize