we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
