I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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