So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
