I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
