kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just forgot I was standing up.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
