I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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