im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
