Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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