So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
