sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
