did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
