im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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