how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
