if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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