I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
