I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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