Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
