I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
