I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I would ride that face into the sunset
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize