dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
should my penis look like a turkey
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
