alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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