So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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