my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize