yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
