this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
