covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I would fuck him just for his dog
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