if you like me you must not know who I am
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
