Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
When are your genitals available?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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