Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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