So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
