I want to have your abortion
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
