she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
