The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
